We are starting this blog in order to tell you our story of infertility and our hope of one day having children. In sharing a story, we all become closer, give each other strength, and many times find our stories intertwine. Our hope is to not only inform and keep a journal, but to find connections to the hundreds of thousands that have gone through a similar journey as ours. Through this I will be honest, real, and not sugar coat this process. Its the way I am and find it tough to not be that way.
Jon and I will be married for 6 years this October. Like any couple, at the beginning of our marriage we dreamed of our goals. One of these was to start a family. We would cuddle on the couch and dream about how many children we would have, what their names would be, and what we would want to teach them. I would dream about when I would get pregnant, how I would surprise Jon and tears would stream down both our faces as we celebrate the beginning of a new step together.
Unfortunately, like life always does, our goals and plans didn't quite work out the way we thought they would. We thought we would wait to have children right away so that we could focus on our marriage and build that foundation. In 2011 is when we decided to try to have children, after a year of not being able to have children, we decided to go to doctors to see if there was anything preventing us from having children. After all the tests, my OBGYN gave me the all clear that I should be able to become pregnant.
They then suggested that Jon get tested as well. The tough part was the waiting. Specialists doctors are so special aren't they? So, as we waited for an appointment, we hoped. In the summer of 2013 Jon and I found out that he is not able to have children.
It was devastating news. We went through grieving and mourning. Emotions of anger and depression. And the tears....oh the tears. It would happen at completely random times. I would be at a stop light and look over at another car that had a mother, father and their kids in the back seat and I would start crying. Facebook also is a terrible place when mourning through this with birth announcements and monthly pregnancy pictures. Church too, when they celebrate Mother's day or Father's day or a baby dedication, very difficult to even find the motivation to go. And don't even get me started on commercials....damn commercials.....
So, over the last 2 years we have mourned, secluded ourselves, found solace in talking with many people who have gone through similar journeys, and tried to start a new goal. We have looked at many options for us, but we didn't feel led to any particular one or did not feel they were for us. We figured it just wasn't time yet.
I believe our hope came through the most beautiful gift our family could have, our new niece, Ella Mae. My sister and brother-in-law recently adopted a beautiful baby girl this summer. I never thought I could love someone that I just met, but with her it was pretty easy. I think Jon's face in this picture says it all.
After meeting her, we decided to fill-out an adoption application to New Life Family Services. As we were filling out the form, we noticed that one of the options for adoption was something called "embryo adoption". We had never heard of this before and decided to research it to see what it was and if that is something we could do or wanted to do. The more and more we researched, the bigger the spark became that this looked like the option for us and we sent in the preliminary/ inquiry adoption application.
Um, Andrea, what is this embryo adoption thingy??
I'm glad you asked, cause even if you didn't ask, I'm going to tell you.
Embryo adoption has actually been around for a while now. The organization we are going through called Snowflake or Nightlight (Snowflake Link) had their first successful baby in 1997. It came about because families who have done IVF had embryos left over and they did not want to destroy them or have them use for scientific research. These families are called the genetic families instead of birth family as in a typical adoption.
Our process is very similar to a typical adoption in the beginning. Our preliminary application was accepted and now we have the HUGE application to complete from New Life Family Services and the State of Minnesota. Simultaneously we are also filling out an application for Snowflake. Then we need to read some books, watch online seminars, and information on embryo adoption in order to educate ourselves on this whole process. We also will have an appointment with a fertility doctor on November 3rd to make sure that I am able to carry out a pregnancy (Yes! I will get a chance to be pregnant!).
New Life will be the ones conducting our home study once the applications are complete, turned-in, and accepted. This process will take 3-5 months. We also will need to create a portfolio for genetic families to view. Once all of this is complete we will then have the matching period in which Snowflake will show our portfolio to various genetic families and we pray the right genetic family will choose us.
If a family does choose us, we get to look at their information and decide if this is the genetic family we want to be matched with. If they are, then we would fill-out contracts to decide how open our relationship will be. They will then relinquish their rights to the embryos, we will set-up how the embryos will be shipped to our clinic and with our fertility doctor we will decide the best time to implant the embryos. Lord willing, after ALL that, we will have a baby (or possibility of multiples!)
Sorry that was so long, but I've had many people asking about this process because it isn't that common, so I thought it would be good to put the basic process here. Obviously there is more to it than what I wrote about here, so please if you want to know more, just contact us at jonandreawant2adopt@gmail.com
Now comes the part that we will need from our family and friends, and new friends we meet along the way. We need your support, love and prayers as this journey is not easy or simple and brings up a lot of emotions. Knowing that we have all of you cheering us on, will help so much.
The next thing we ask is that you consider donating to our go fund me site.
All funds will go towards the costs associated with our embryo adoption. We will also be trying to have some more fundraising in the future and will keep you up to date on what that will be.
Please continue to check our blog for new updates and thank-you so much for considering to walk with us along this path.
-Jon and Andrea
